The Results of Remaining Neutral

Written by Darlene Ouimet

When it comes to your clients, I have an advantage that you might not have. I was once a victim and then a client who had been abused and invalidated by some less than healthy people. I have been to neutral therapists myself so clients really trust me when it comes to talking about therapy issues. They know that I really understand the fear, guilt and shame as well as the questioning that goes on in the mind of one that has been misused.

Norm’s video this month discusses the effectiveness of the therapist who contributes his or her opinion to the client/therapist session. Last month I wrote about my encounters with clients who don’t know right from wrong regarding abuse done to them. This article is about clients who tell me how it feels when the counselor is neutral about the events clients relate to them.

I constantly hear about therapists who remain neutral during sessions. What happens is that the client is left still wondering if they have a right to be angry or upset with an abuser in their lives. They are left with the guilt and shame of the abuse because they still somehow think it is their own fault. Most of these people have such little self worth left that unless someone else tells them that they didn’t deserve this treatment, they will never get past it. I am not speaking exclusively about sexual or physical abuse either. I am talking about being invalidated in any one or all of the ways that people are invalidated or devalued. Clients are relieved when the therapist that they view as a person in a position of authority states an opinion or validates the client’s suspicion regarding right and wrong. This is where therapists, counselors and psychologists have an advantage over me. By their credentials alone, they have power that I don’t have and the power the professional psychotherapist has with the client is amazing and should never be underestimated.

Once again, this article is about how clients feel when a therapist remains neutral. It isn’t about the therapist solving problems for clients or giving solutions, it is strictly about validation by opinion sharing. It is simply about the effectiveness of the therapist.

To Your Success,
Darlene Ouimet


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